this beer tastes like vomit already
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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