You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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