i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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