I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
