I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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