I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
