I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
