At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
