I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
