so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
