Sponge bath it is.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
