I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
