do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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