Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
