Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
