My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
