things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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