Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
