Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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