Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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