I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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