guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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