it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
