My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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