he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Randomize
