So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
