that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
