while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
