R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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