Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Less talking, more tequila
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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