I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
