I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
