Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
