Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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