great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
