grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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