peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
