Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, beer. Big fan.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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