Is it because I queefed?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
