if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
