So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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