so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
