Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
