i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
