Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
