is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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