I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
