butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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