shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't notice because vodka
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
