it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
