that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
