I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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