franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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