she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
