I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
