i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
